I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
