Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize