he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
