he thought i was a dude.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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