bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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