i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
