Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
