I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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