how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
