So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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