Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
