oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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