why didn't you poke me back
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
