i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
