Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
