tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
