Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
