I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
