Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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