I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
