chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I love you.
Bad choice
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
