i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
