I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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