hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
