bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
