found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
