You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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