she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
