Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
