My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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