According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize