I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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