Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize