Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
