marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
