Sponge bath it is.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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