This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
