Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
