just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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