New low: just hacked my moms facebook
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Drunk is a universal language darling
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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