4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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