I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
