You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
