obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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