my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
