would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
