I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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