Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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