grandma shit on top of the toilet
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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