new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
