i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize