New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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