Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
