help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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