so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm just crazy horny about you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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