I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
