I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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