Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
