So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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