Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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