I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize