I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
