Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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