# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
