Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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