what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
