peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
