what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
NoShamevember. You game?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
