I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
