no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize