Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
