I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
