she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
