Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
