If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
