I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize