I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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