So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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