i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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