do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
