i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
