You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
