This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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