Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
