dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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