i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
