I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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