Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
