Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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