He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
