why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
