She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
