3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Me too!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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