the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
