your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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