My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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