i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
