a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
