I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
