So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
