haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
