If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
