she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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