official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Come on in and take your pants off
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