her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
3 2 1 whiskey
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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