He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
