strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
