I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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