he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
