I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
