Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
